The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
