the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
