put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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