I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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