And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
