Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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