She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
