We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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