I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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