I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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