Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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