Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
