She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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