Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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