There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
