gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
