i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sorry about my life...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
