Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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