do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
