There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
