she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He felt like a one man threesome
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
