my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
