he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
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