Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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