i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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