dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
