ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
