He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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