Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
