I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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