im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
