Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
