We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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