the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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