sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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