i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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