Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
