You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
