talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
