Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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