I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
