I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
