could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
