I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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