she looked like the before picture.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
