Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
