I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
