this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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