Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
