it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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