Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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