so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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