you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
