Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
