Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
