Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
