I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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