you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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