Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
