i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
