so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
