you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
