you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
