but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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