I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
