This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
