I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
