Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
