Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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