the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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