I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
