Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I believe in your delicious
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
