Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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