Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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