I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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