Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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