god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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