so explain again why im purple
no
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize