I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize