brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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