I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
