I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
