I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
