so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
