Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
