I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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