That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
