This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
