oh god was she eating orange peels again
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
