That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Randomize
