I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
